But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! Luke 12:28

I sat in a church pew after lying in bed for several days silently. For days I was going to be a mom and then I miscarried.  There was nothing I could do to change it, and I couldn’t believe it. People would come and go, say words that I didn’t really hear, nor would I remember. And I remained mostly silent. They would pray for me, tried to keep me distracted, but I felt numb.  As though my whole world had simply stopped spinning. One day a friend climbed on top of the bed with me, with tear-filled eyes, and these words were spoken to me: “This is part of your story now.”

Fast forward 11 years. There I sat, terrified and confused, in a row of church chairs.  Watching my children in a church presentation and doing such a loving and wonderful job.  As I watched I tried not to think about how I knew that my marriage was over.  I once again found out and it was confirmed that he was cheating on me again. I didn’t know if everything was going to be OK, and I didn’t understand it.

My friend at church whispered to me, “God doesn’t give a story like this to just anyone.”

But I didn’t want it to be.

I had written out a story for my life and this wasn’t part of it.  It didn’t include the loss of a baby and an upcoming divorce.  This isn’t what I dreamed of when I was a little girl.  It’s not what I ever hoped or prayed for.

But it was my story.

I had carefully laid out my plans.  I had dreams for my future.  I had crafted the perfect path in my head.

But I’m not the author.

And so, sometimes I just have to take that tight grasp I have on my dreams, and let go. Even when it hurts, even when I only want to grasp tighter to my carefully laid plans, on the good days, the bad days, and everything in between.

If I truly trust God with my life, that means I trust him with every aspect.  Each and every word, sentence, and chapter.  Even when I feel like I can’t bear to flip the page and see what happens next.  Even when I think the next page is going to be wonderful and it turns out to be downright awful.

It’s all part of what makes our faith so scary and yet so beautiful.  And because of our faith in Christ, we know that in the end he will redeem all of the scary and seemingly hopeless patches.

Even though I’ve been through some tough times, I love looking back and seeing what God has already brought me through.  The hopeless times.  The tiring times.  The exciting times.  Because the truth is, though many of these chapters haven’t been what I had always hoped for, a lot of them are filled with blessings I also didn’t deserve.

I remember a couple days after I found out about my miscarriage and was deep in the pit of grief and decisions, my Dad showed up for a surprise visit.  And I’m glad he did, because his words still ring true to me…..”there are better days ahead, kiddo.”

Three months later I got that positive pregnancy test.  As I write today, I have three terrific children that are all in their 30’s.  I would not feel as blessed had I not gone through the years of trial after trial.  And I am thankful for each of them because of the trials.

And yes, I did go through a divorce 20 something years ago and it was a most difficult time.  But as I look back, God grew me in ways that have amazed me and I am also thankful to him for what he has taught me.

You see, in this life you will wander through phases that are difficult, and phases that are absolutely beautiful.  So if you’re in the midst of a rough patch, keep trudging on.  It gets better.  God does have better days ahead for you. Just trust Him.

Prayer

Lord, some phases of life can be difficult and feels so hopeless, while others are so full of joy.  I pray that You would strengthen me through the hard times, and that I would praise You in the good times.  I pray that through it all, no matter what, I will boldly place my life in your hands and trust You will bring everything together for your good.

In Jesus Powerful name.